Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented voice said."This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringin to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation,"there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor. "
Chirac sighs, amused; "I must tell you, Paddy, thatI have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day.
"Mr. Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared ! his throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few pints of Guinness, and decided there is no fookin' waywe can feed 200,000 FRENCH prisoners."
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2 comments:
Hey, that's really funny.
What I find even funnier - I mean really fucking hilarious - is all the Americans like you who are "involved" in the "War against terror", but also support the IRA.
And people say that Americans have no sense of irony.....
How about a post on that subject? I'd genuinely love to see the psychological hoops you jump through to try and justify that shit to yourselves.
Regards,
A British Conservative (who has seen what those Irish "freedom fighters" managed to do with all that American funding)
Okay. Since this is my weblog, I'm going to feel free to open up with both barrels. FUCK YOU! How's that? YOU STUPID DIPSHIT! I don't normally do this, so you'll have to excuse my coarse language, YOU JACK ASS! When did I ever say anything at all about supporting the IRA? You say "You American support the IRA" as though you could actually get a consensus of opinion amongst Americans! What sheer stupidity! I think you're racist against Irish, aren't you? Are they just a bunch of "chavs on the dole"? You're the only one who has even brought the IRA up on this weblog. I don't support terrorism under any of its guises. And I don't have any love for you classist, racist so-called British Conservatives. You can take your tea and crumpets and shove them right up your ass!
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